読者のみなさまへ・・
昨年も大変お世話になりました。
2024年度もどうぞ宜しくお願い申し上げます。
去る2023年12月29日の19時37分に
私の実父が横浜の総合病院にて
永眠いたしました。
死因は急性・悪性リンパ種でした。
享年89歳と平成天皇と同年の
高齢でしたので確定診断による
苦痛やリスクの高いがん細胞検査はDr.と
のカンファレンス（Conference）にて
避けました。
副腎・肝臓にも多くの癌転移と
思わしき腫瘍が見受けられ、
もはや既に手遅れでした。

緊急搬送されてから2週間も経過しておらず、
父親らしいあっけない潔ぎよい最期でした。
私にとって肉親の死に目というのは初めての経験
でした。読者のみなさんのなかには
そんな経験のある"先輩"の方も
多数おられると思っています。

今の私にとって
89歳という長寿は自分にとってかなりの"頂"と
しか言いようがありませんでしたし、
半世紀以上、建具木工職人として人生を歩み、
不撓不屈の精神で心臓や循環器内科の厳しい治療を愚痴一つ言わず励行し、
私を育んでくださった父は
"過分無上"なひとでした。
"彼"を失ったあとも感謝の思いで一杯です。
そして自分にとって不思議な体験というか
感覚がありました。父が緩和ケアの為、
個室に移ってから2日目の
29日に姉が父の見舞いにきたので、
バトンタッチして私はいったん休む為に
自宅に帰り休憩する為に
休みんでいましたが、起床して
葬儀屋と電話交渉したすぐ後にまた病院から
電話があり車で駆けつけ
慌てて30分で病院に到着。
病院駐車場で時計を観れば19時18分。
特面(特別面会)にてすぐに病室に入った時点で
強いモルヒネ投与が始まっておりましたが
(もっと早期に麻薬投与が出来なかった事が
とても悔やまれます)
私はあるジンクスを信じ父の耳元で
"どうか安心してください・・
ほんとうにありがとうございました！"と
素直な"感謝"の思いを伝えしました。
その瞬間、血圧脈波検査装置が
甲高いアラート音と
ゼロ表示となりあっという間に
父が臨終したことを告げていました。
そして私の身体に父の肉体からなにか
とてつもなく熱い存在が空中を
走って入り込んでくる様な錯覚を覚えました。

医者の死亡判定時刻より
実際亡くなったのは丁度10分前
でしたので病室に入ってから
数分の間もなくの出来事でした。
ひとの最期まで健在なのは
やはり"耳"=聴覚だという
ことを私は体験を持って確信しました。
年末年始は火葬場が
オフで遺体安置も1週間もかかり
タイトで厳しい状況で
"直葬"というイレギュラーな
手段にせざるを得ません。

選択肢がないのです。

49日法要は父の生前、購入していた
"墓所"のご住職にお願いする予定です。
父も私も無宗教であり、
自分にとって喪主も初めてなので何がなんだか
さっぱり分からず現在は
泣いて悲しんでいる暇もない状態です。
しかし・・だんだんとさみしくなるのでしょうね、きっと・・。
2023年はあらゆる側面において
私にとって"悼む年"、となりました。
そんな渦中、本音を暴露出来る
このサイトは私にとって
ある意味かけがえのない"礎"に思えてきます。
今年もみなさんのご健康を心より
お祈り申し上げます。そして
あえて読者のみなさんには、
新年度もよいお年を！
とお伝えいたします！
2024年1月1日　北陸沖大地震の
速報を傾聴しながら・・eichanx.

【追伸】
ひとはどんなに尽くしても、
そうではなくても、
永遠の別れが訪れると、悔やむものです。
ネットでは"あなた"の"父"に後悔している方々が大勢いることを
知りました。本当の"供養"とは？
それは"あなた"の"悼み"を"偲び"、
やがていつの日か"あなた"ご自身の
"志"に変えてゆくことだと思います。

私の"父"の死が"あなた"にとっての
何かの一助になることを祈って。。

There is no reader alone ‥.
It became ..pursuing very much.. having last year.
My best regards in fiscal year 2024 please.
My own father died in the general hospital
in Yokohama at last 19:37 December 29, 2023.
The cause of one's death was acute and a malignant lymph seed.
The cancer cytotechnology with a high pain and risk by the definite diagnosis was avoided
with Conference with Dr because it was age at death 89 years old,
it was the Heisei era emperor, and it was aged in the same year.
A lot of cancer metastases and satisfactory tumors were seen also by the adrenal and the liver,
and it was already too late already.

As many as two weeks had not passed since it was urgent transported,
and a disappointing, brave, good death who seemed to be father.
Near relatives's death eyes were the first experiences for me.
It is thought that there are a lot of "Senior" that such an experience is in the readers, too.
There was only neither considerable "Top" nor a saying way for him ..the long life of 89 years old..,
and one the grumble severe treatment of the heart and the cardiovascular internal medicine went through one's life as a fittings woodwork workman longer than half a century, was not said,
was enforced by an indomitable spirit, and father who had brought me up .."More than enough".. did with for me today.
After losing "He", it is full of the desire of thanks.
And, it had a mysterious experience for me or the sense.
It hands it over I will arrive at the hospital it having a telephone call from the hospital again immediately after getting up and negotiating on the telephone with the undertaker
and running with the car and panicking in 30 minutes because the elder sister came for father's visit
on the 29th of the second day after father moves to the private room because of palliative care though am rest
and existed to return to home to take a rest once and to take a rest.
If the clock is seen in the hospital parking lot, it is 19:18.
The strong morphine administration started when I entered the sickroom at once by "Special interview" (The thing that the drug was not able to be administered at the more early stage is regretted). I spoke by the tone that was the clearness of a certain saying in belief father's ear.

"Please relieve. really thank you. "
Obedient..thanks..think..tell..do.

The blood pressure pulse wave “Test" device became a shrill alert sound
and 0 displays at the moment and father's last was reported with surprising swiftness.
And, the mistake that entered my body as something an extraordinary,
hot existence started from father's body in the air was remembered.
It was an event in the sickroom because it was just ten minutes ago to die actually at doctor's death judgment time..the cry.. during a few minutes after it had entered.
It was convinced that it was still "Ear" = aural that it was alive and well until person's death
and I convinced of the experience with had it.
The crematory : year end and new year.
I cannot help ..".. ..burial.. will do to ..bounding irregularly.. means named"
by the tough going soon off in tightness of taking the remains enshrining and as much as one week.
There are no choices.
During one's life, the buddhist service bought father on the 49th.
It is scheduled to ask the priest of a buddhist temple of "Grave yard".
Father and I There is not time for which it feels sorry because what is not understood
at all somehow because it is an irreligion, and the chief mourner is the first time for I and it cries now either.
However, ‥ It is likely to become lonely gradually, and surely ‥.
2023 year became "Mourned year" for me in all side views.
As for this site where such a whirlpool and the real intention can be exposed,
it is possible to think the meaning putting that is for me to be "Foundation" without getting.
I sincerely pray for health of everybody this year.
And, dare the good age to the readers at the new fiscal year. I will tell it...
While the listen to of the news flash
of the Hokuriku coast large earthquake on January 1, 2024... 

[ Postscript ]
The person is regretted that an eternal separation visits even if it even carries out very or is not so.
It knew there were many people who regretted in "Father" of "You" in the net.
Do , saying that true "Memorial service"?
I think that I change it into "You" own "Will" before long some time.
It prays that the death of my "Father" become a help of something for "You". ...