幼少時代は随分長い間
"書道"を真剣に
学んきたつもりでしたが、
普段は全く筆を取らなくなってしまい、
肝心な時にあまりにもの
"下手くそ"(出来の悪さ)に焦りました！
この乱れた文字を見ればお分かりかと思われますが、
おそらく今の私の"心の内面"を描写しており、
また、一種のこれは
"書痙"(ジストニアの局所型の手指の振戦)とも感じました。

この症状は他にアルコールの離脱症状(禁断症状)や
カフェインの過剰摂取などでも生じやすいものですｗ。
私は未だに普段大量に文字を書きます。
その殆どは実務でもプライベートでも
楷書で書くことは無く、
会社では伝達事項のみを記し、
"オフ"では何か忘れないように
キーワード等を"殴り書き"で書く習慣があります。
もうすぐ父の"四十九日法要"が御寺で
あります。
"菩提寺"に誠意を込めて直筆で書きましたが、
あまりにも稚拙で恥ずかしい思いです。

近年は"御布施"などの文字も予め
印刷された封筒もありますが、
意地もあって自分の手で書き上げました。

少しだけ良かったのは"志"という
たった一文字だけでした。

追記：私が永年愛用し続けてきた
毛筆用の筆ペンについてのお話も
別記事でいたします。

The brush was not taken usually at all,
and it was too in a hurry when it was essential though
the childhood was going to have learnt "Calligraphy" seriously fairly for a long time
..the one "Poverty" (it was possible to do poor)...

My today "Inside of the mind" was projected,
and, perhaps, I felt this a kind
of "Writer's cramp" (tremor of the minion of the limited part type of the dystonia) though it seemed
that it understood if this character of which it fell into disorder was seen.
For this symptom, the excess ingestion etc.
of the withdrawal syndrome of alcohol (withdrawal symptoms)
and caffeines are the one in another caused easily. ww
I write still usually a large amount of character.
The business doesn't have what written by the square style even if
it's private either but only the transmission matter is recorded in the company,
and there are some customs of writing the key word etc. for remembrance' sake by "Hitting writing" in "Off".
Father's "Memorial service on the 49th"="四十九日法要" is a temple soon.
It is a too primitive, shameful desire though puts sincerity
in "Family temple"="菩提寺" and wrote by the autograph.
There was obstinacy, too and it finished writing by
my hand in recent years though there was an envelope
on which the character such as "Offering"（Alms) was printed beforehand, too.
Only a little good the one was only one character "Will"="志". ..

The postscript:
The talk of the brush pen for the brush that has continued
my patronage for many years will be told by a thing mentioned elsewhere.